Rambling Forgets

i wanna forget how it feels to kiss intensley
how his lips felt when we kissed
how his nails feel on my back
how much i gave without getting back
I wanna forget that our son has his smile
i wanna forget that this is his child
I wanna forget all the times he made me laugh
every smile that we had
I wanna forget the day when met
in a middle school hallway
i wanna forget his charm
I wanna erase this history
and pretend it never was
i wanna forget every tear
every minute, every hour, every day, every year
I wanna forget how much he meant
I wanna forget the fairytale
Kings, Knights, and princes dont exsist
I wanna close my eyes and wake up tomorrow
and not know his name
I wanna have amnesia to his game
its not fair how much i have suffered
but I cant forget the pain and heartache
and how each tear i cry are all for this one guy
maybe the pain will help me forget
I just wanna forget this BITCH

lost

Suddenly i am sinking
drowning
feeling very low
Cant breath
the dark i cant escape
all of a sudden I cant see clear
my mind is clouded with fear
fear of not succeeding
not doing right
i need to make a change and get my life right
there is so much pain
it taking me under
i need to get rid of this cloud and thunder
so scared right now of being alone
sometime i wish he was home
i need help thru
this is so hard
things fall apart
so lost right now
cant find my way
i need to pray

LOST, ramble of thots, fighting the demons

I have demons in my shadows
Nightmares I cant erase
This facade of being ok
There are demons in my shadows
I cant see their face
but I can feel the grasp that they hold
pulling my down to the dark alley's of life
fighting me with all their might
Demons in the shadows
lurking to see
how much damage i'll do just being me
Shutting you out
and giving up on us
but u gave up and left me to walk the darkness alone
Shadows of Demons
I have created
I can cause grief
life is so over rated
So u live for today and thats not true
cuz u forever look back
on the things u couldnt do
Demons
they fight me every nite
I dont even own tears to cry
have they won and will haunt me forever
I need to go to church, read my bible
fight these demons in my shadows
but how do u fight what manifested with in
I have created this sin
No longer searching for self but lost in myself
looking for the light but only GOD can help
This darkness has cast over me...i feel lost on a one way street
please someone help me

Loss for Words

Its like I can not write anymore
liek words on the pages are ignored
my mind has traveled to a dark place
grey skies, thunder, hail storms with no escape
what words
they are misplaced
unspoken, unwritten, no longer exsistant
time is still
the words wont spill
what is happening
the train has arrived and my mind is still empty
Lost
I can not speak
Silence...windows breaking
have i lost my mind or just the words inside
Tick Tock...I hear the clock
time ticks so slow
but at least its starting to move
where did the words go
the words are slow
heartbeats, no speech
just a rambling beat
the words that were are no longer there
i am so scared
if i can not speak and the words do not form
who will help me escape from the Norm
the insanity is playing tricks on my words
No strength to give
no love lost
Just words lost to a thought
where did they go
I lost the description
need a prescription
then maybe they will return
and the sanity will regain
who am i without my words
i will try again to be free
Remember the words that make me me
the words that will help me define who i'll be
i need to search and find these words lost within

Untitled/incomplete

Why do we glorify the shinny things
Bling has never been the American Dream
America was built on the backs of slaves
Now you are a slave to the gold chain
You think you made it cuz your rims shine
but whats left for your family when those rims are the reason you die
You hustle hard everyday on the corner
to obtain materials things you see in magazines
while your children are home missing their daddy
Do you think you have gotten ahead by putting a bullet in someones head
Our blood built this land and you keep striving to get under it
You plant your seeds in women instead of making a family with one
Your goal shouldnt be to make it to tomorrow
Your goal should be to buy a house, be a corporate king
Being a street pharmacist never got anyone anything
and what a hypocrit you are
You were the same boy whose mother loved the pipe more than you
Now you are helping to create a motherless world
While you trying to maintain yo bling
you are killing a family and destroying a new king
American Gangstas dont get to retire
There in jail or burning in Hells fire
In the end what will u have
nothing but a galosophy bag
something to remind you of the game you are willing to die by
in in your life what legacy will u leave
the life of a gangsta wanna be
while those who care rock that t-shirt
you are the one lying under the dirt
is the bling your only dream
Is there nothing higher
let go of the bling and be a savivor
live for you kids and the woman who stuck by you