not a poem/but thought

Sometimes when we are in love we find ourselves thinking the wrong. I will give you my take on some examples:

I love them enough that they must love me/i love them so much that one day they will see i am all they need

Truth: all they see is that u will take whatever they dish out. and yes it may bother them to hurt you but they wont stop cuz u give them no reason to. and it isnt hurt they feel its guilt. but guilt is a small price to pay in order to do what they want. they see u are there and they may even see u love them more than u love urself. but that dont mean they stop. and all it does it beat u down. u looked at urself and question who u are and why cant they be happy with u. they tell you all the apologies in the world to keep u there. i love u. i only slept with that person two times. i dont know whats wrong with me. it was retarded of me. and u continue to love them and give them more of u hoping it is enuff.hahaha...u are making urself out to become a security blanket. someone they know they can come back to. and u can break up and leave them but whats the point if u are going to take them back. when u take them back they are just going to do it again. if they did it once then they didnt care in the first place.

i can change them/they love me enuff to change for me

truth: people dont change they get better at being who they are. u can never change someone but u can change the person u are with. if the person u are with doesnt have all qualities you are looking for lose them now. u cant change or mold them into what u want. they have been who they are longer than u have known them. they are not going to change because of u. what they will do is let u see what they want u to see. so truth be told u are living a lie. they will stop going out as much but thats temporary.

they are different with me

truth: the same way u got them is the same way u loose them. cliche but true...if they had someone when they got with u they will get someone else while they are with u. if u had to run ppl off for them to be with u someone will run u off. if u had to manipulate to get them u will be manipulating your whole relationship to keep them...

they are the most wonderful person i've met

truth: u are dating their representative. if u have been dating them less than a year and half then u dont know them. shit i was with someone for a decade of my life and didnt really know them til i was six years in and we had a baby. u never really know someone til its been a year and a half, yall have a place together and real life starts kicking in, bills start showing up and then u see the real them.

for now this is all i have to saw on my vent

He Died

he died the other night
he died in my mind
then slowly in my heart
for years i gave him all of me
then he died so suddenly
i watched while he killed me
then left abruptly
now he has left
i wish i could tell my son his daddy was a good man
but after all i've been thru that would be a lie
but i will remember the good times
and share those with him
so much bad he took with him
blessed i am that he has passed
now he can stop poisoning my ass
he can stop polluting my life
with his ill will
he died the other night
and part of me died too
but it was the part that was poisoned by him
his death is hard
but i bury him with all the fights, the cheating and lies
with the pain he caused
he is gone
no need to keep holding on
he isnt here to lead me on
he died the other night
and all i have left is his seed
the son he didnt want
the son that belongs to me
he died the other night
and i cant cry anymore
now i can bolt down the door
my heart wont be open anymore
he died the other night
and all i can say
is good riddens to all his pain

Alone

Loneliness is a state of being
a state of mind
and a state of me
the place where i stand
alone is how this started
and alone is how i will finish
alone is he whom i birth
alone he'll be
there wont be another
or another half to me
Alone is my choice
my state of mind
i will never let another take me mind
it is sad when your alone
but its better than having someone and then their gone
if i could change anything i would change u
the day we met
would not exsist
then i could be lonely and not miss
lonely is my sanctuary
Alone is who i am
Strong enough to stand alone
Strong enough to know when not to fight
I accept this road that was paved for me
this road that i must travel alone
he died the other night
proof that i was meant to be alone
my other half has past
and now i am alone